nonfiction

Inspiring nonfiction books to start the new year

Inspiring nonfiction books, including "Better Than Before," "Why We Sleep," "The Lazy Genius Way," "How to Win Friends and Influence People," and "You're Not Listening"

January is my least favorite month of the year. The anticipation of Christmas and New Year’s is over, the weather is cold and gray, and I feel the pressure of setting new resolutions and goals. If you also struggle with January, I’ve got some inspiration for you. Whether you want to break a bad habit or become healthier, work on your listening skills, deal with grief in a healthy way, improve your sleep, or cultivate better relationships, there’s a book on this list that can help. Here are a few of my favorite inspiring nonfiction books to start the new year.

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This book is nearly 100 years old, but it is still relevant today and offers great advice for getting along with others and making friends. I read it 20 years ago in college for the first time and use the principles from it—like using a person’s name to make them feel valued—every day. It’s a quick, approachable read (or reread if it’s been a while since you’ve picked up this book). One caution: There are many editions of this book, and the “modern” ones don’t have great reviews. Look for the original or 1981 revised edition that stays more true to Carnegie’s words.

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear. I have read a lot of self-help books over the years, and this is by far the best one if you are trying to make a positive habit, like going to the gym or reading more. In fact, I have used one of Clear’s principles—make it attractive—to get myself to Planet Fitness several times a week. I listen to an audiobook while I’m walking or jogging on the treadmill, and I also frequently stop in at the thrift store next door to find books after I’m done with a workout. I love that Atomic Habits gives you clear ideas for making changes.

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck. Everyone should read this book, and I don’t say that lightly. It changed the way I parent, lead my team, and think about my own achievements. You may have even heard of Dweck’s research, which is quoted in many psychology and self-help books. Essentially, she extols the virtues of having a “growth mindset”—believing that you can become better through hard work and persistence—instead of a “fixed mindset”—believing that you have talent in only a few areas or that you are bad at math and therefore can’t improve. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy. Clearly I need to read this book again, because I have been realizing lately that my listening skills are not great. Murphy’s book is about the science of listening (how we physically hear and pay attention), why we have stopped listening to each other, and how we can improve this skill. I found her tips so helpful, and it’s time to revisit them.

Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know by Adam Grant. You may be familiar with Adam Grant from his pithy posts on social media, but I love all of his books (and have another one on this list by him, too). He has the ability to share data in an approachable way while also being humorous and not taking his job too seriously. This book is all about rethinking and realizing that you are not an expert on everything—nor should you be.

The Lazy Genius Way: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t, and Get Stuff Done by Kendra Adachi. Many self-help books give you the impression that if you just prioritize your life and form good habits, you can accomplish everything. I appreciate that Adachi’s book is about taking shortcuts for the things that don’t matter as much, like keeping a few inexpensive birthday gifts in a closet so you don’t have to run to the store each time your child has a party. She calls it the “lazy genius way,” but I would say it’s really just about letting things go and focusing your efforts on what you can control.

Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari. I LOVE Johann Hari’s books and also highly recommend his book Magic Pill (about using weight-loss drugs). In Stolen Focus, Hari talks about the ways technology has stolen our ability to focus and gives practical tips on unplugging and helping yourself to focus again. This is also a great book if you want to help your kids limit their screen time.

Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. This book was both fascinating and horrifying to me. It’s all about the crucial benefits of getting enough sleep, which most Americans do not achieve, and the health risks when you don’t. If one of your goals for the new year is to improve your sleep habits, this should be required reading.

Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. Sheryl Sandberg wrote Lean In, which I also enjoyed, but this one is part memoir and part self-help based on her experience of losing her husband unexpectedly on a family vacation. I always recommend this to anyone who has lost a loved one, but it’s also a great book about overcoming challenges and dealing with grief in all aspects of your life.

Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin. While The Happiness Project is the book that put Rubin on the map, I actually like this one better because Rubin’s theory is that your personality type matters when it comes to setting goals and making good habits. She explains her Four Tendencies—Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, and Rebel–and then gives ideas for building good habits based on the tendency that best describes you. This is such a unique look at both personalities and self-help, and I really enjoyed it.

Have I included your favorite inspiring nonfiction books? What would you include on this list?

Review: You’re Not Listening

I know we’re only two months into 2020 and it’s not really fair of me to have a favorite book already, but I was so enthralled with this book that I willingly spent hours walking at the gym just so I could listen to it. I am not much of a gym rat, so that is saying something.

What is this magical book, you ask? It’s called You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters, and it’s written by journalist Kate Murphy. While I checked out the audiobook from my library through the Libby app, the print version of this book would be just as good, and part of me wants to check it out again to highlight parts that stood out.

You’re Not Listening is a book about the importance of actually listening to the people in your life. I thought I was actually a pretty good listener before I finished this book, and I think most of us have an inflated opinion of how well we listen to each other. I soon realized I can be a much better listener –and that it’s going to take some work.

Part of the problem, Murphy explains, is that we have so many ways for people to express themselves today. Because we can all indulge in soliloquies on social media or send videos to people whenever we want, we have forgotten that we also have to listen to what the people around us are saying. We also have to make an effort to look at the person we’re speaking to and not be distracted by a phone or a long to-do list.

One of the most fascinating parts of this book was the chapter about silence and how our discomfort with it makes us jump in when we really should be listening. Because I am introverted and work from home most of the time, I crave a quiet home and don’t mind sitting in silence for hours. I know most people don’t enjoy this (and don’t get this luxury).

However, I find I am less uncomfortable with pauses in conversation when they happen, and this book made me more determined to stop jumping in immediately when someone stops talking. I always appreciate the people who listen without an immediate solution or opinion, because I know they are trying to understand what I’m feeling.

The chapter also reminded me of something that really frustrates me in my church. The first Sunday of each month is called “testimony meeting,” and it’s a chance for anyone to stand at the pulpit and share their feelings about God and other parts of their religion. I’ve been in meetings where someone stood and said they “couldn’t handle the silence anymore” (because no one had shared anything for a few minutes).

Another time, I left furious because a leader had closed a meeting I was in charge of early because he didn’t want people to sit in silence anymore. Silence is how people process their feelings and figure out what they’re going to say. If you jump in whenever there’s a pause, you stop people from forming ideas and opinions. I have tried to teach my kids that it’s healthy to be quiet and to sit in silence with nothing to do sometimes.

I also loved the chapter on deciding NOT to listen, because you do get that choice. Murphy points out, however, that you must be careful using this choice, because listening is how you make another person feel loved and understood. We’ve all been in that situation where someone is checking their phone or watch or looking around the room while you’re talking. It makes you feel like you don’t matter.

I could go on and on about this book, but you really should just check it out from the library or buy it and read it yourself. If you give it a shot, drop me a comment! I’d love to hear what you thought.