Life

Five small shops to support this Christmas

Posted on November 17, 2020 by Lindsay Life

Some of you know that I occasionally sell leather earrings in my Etsy shop, Ox and Plume. I started this when my kids were babies to make affordable jewelry for other women, and I haven’t done a lot to grow the business since I work full-time. However, each time I get a sale, I’m nearly in tears — and I can only image how it feels if your small business is your livelihood.

2020 has been really hard on lots of businesses but especially on small businesses. If you’re still doing holiday shopping, consider buying from a small shop instead of mindlessly buying the next big thing from Amazon. Your money helps communities grow and families to thrive. It puts food on the table and pays the electric bill in many cases. And it brings shop owners so much joy that they desperately need. Here are a few of my favorite small shops to support.

Remie Girl. I’m sure I’m not the only one whose little girl adores twirly dresses. Norah is completely obsessed with Remie Girl’s soft, colorful dresses and wants to wear them to church every week. As an added bonus, I bought almost all of her dresses in summer 2019 on a screaming sale and they still. look. brand-new. I’m not joking. They have pockets, they twirl beautifully when she spins around the house (which is often), and they wash well. Did I mention they’re made in the USA by a cute mom and her mom? They’re also having an amazing pre-Black Friday sale that you should jump on fast. We love, love this brand.

Decomod. If you live in my neighborhood, you have noticed the different holiday garlands I have hanging in my living room window. They are all from this shop, and I adore them. Made of thick, high-quality felt, these banners and garlands last forever and don’t curl up around the edges. I bought some of my banners (I think I have 20 now for different seasons/events) more than six years ago, and they still look amazing. The shop is also in Utah and only 40 minutes away from me, so I love supporting a fellow Utahan. Not sure where to start for a gift? Norah has the rainbow garland hanging in her room, and I gave my sister-in-law this cute Little Man garland for her baby last year.

Tom Design. I found this shop back when the owner lived in Idaho Falls, just 45 minutes from where I grew up. She now lives in Utah, so I feel like I’m still supporting a local business. I love personalized jewelry and have several necklaces from her shop, including a longitude and latitude bar, a heart choker, and a necklace with my kids’ handwriting. If you have a family member or friend who’s really hard to shop for, check out her beautiful personalized necklaces and bracelets. I really like her birth flower necklaces, too.

Letterfolk. This brand has given me heart eyes ever since they launched their premium felt letter boards years ago and jumpstarted that trend. I never bought a letter board, but I finally got my hands on a tile mat during their ding-and-dent sale this summer. Saying I’m obsessed is an understatement. I love putting colored tiles on it and spelling witty messages, and it’s SO durable. I plan to never buy another mat again. Letterfolk is so innovative and fun. I desperately want this modern cuckoo clock and will someday get one.

Wunderkin. A few years ago, I saw an influencer wearing these flower clips and fell HARD. Since then, many other shops have copied Wunderkin’s design, but the clips originated here. I love the vintage feel and colors, and I love that they actually stay in my daughter’s hair. I’ve even worn them and not looked like a 6-year-old. Norah also has many of their velvet bows, and they are the BEST quality. Seriously. I plan to keep these and give them to future grandchildren, because they’re that good. Prices are a little steep, but join the Wunderkin Facebook group or follow them on Instagram for deals. I promise the quality and the beautiful colors are worth it.

Now share your favorite small shops with me! I’d particularly love to know some that sell men’s gear, because my husband is hard to shop for.

5 ways to live more eco-friendly and clean up clutter

Posted on April 22, 2020 by Lindsay Life

Happy Earth Day! Many people know I have become really serious about living a more eco-conscious life over the past few years. I’m trying to limit the amount of plastic we use and cutting back on disposable items. I’m also making small changes to reduce our waste overall.

However, the last thing I want to do is make anyone feel guilty or make you feel like you need to tack one more thing onto your to-do list. It is HARD to change habits. It is hard to get your family on board if you do want to make changes. And it is hard to find better solutions for your home when plastic is so inexpensive and convenient. I absolutely get it. Use the tips that might work for your family, and ignore what doesn’t. If you take just one thing away, it’s that YOU are in control of your life and your home. You get to decide what you bring in and take out of it. Here are a few suggestions for living a more simple and eco-friendly life.

Politely refuse things you know you don’t need or won’t use

We’ve probably all gone to a health fair or some booth at a convention and ended up with pens and water bottles and those little foam soda insulators that no one ever uses. Of course, vendors WANT you to take this stuff because they a) want to get their name out there and b) don’t want to pack it all up and take it back home. It doesn’t matter. You should not feel obligated to take something just because it’s free.

Consider whether you really need something or will actually use it. Think about where you’ll store it (or if you have room to store it). If you have kids who bring home cheap Slinkies or erasers as rewards from school, talk to them about how toys like that are made and why they break so easily. I want my kids to pick out their own prizes. I also want it to be clear why I don’t buy them or give them the money to win them at the school carnival. Whatever your situation is, start politely refusing swag or samples or anything someone tries to give you. If you can’t refuse it, donate it immediately to someone who can actually use it.

Keep your packaging simple

This may stem from that fact that I have never learned to gift-wrap properly. My husband laughs at me whenever Christmas rolls around (he usually ends up wrapping everything except books). Still, even if you’re the world’s best wrapper, you don’t need to spend a ton on making something look pretty. A clear cellophane bag around a candle will just get thrown away. A three-year-old can’t read the expensive glittery card attached to her gift. A plate of cookies doesn’t need colored wrap and a bow.

I admire people who can wrap beautifully and make simple gifts look stunning, and I think design and aesthetics is important — but I also think it’s important to cut yourself some slack and stop complicating events. It’s OK to bring a gift that isn’t wrapped or that’s wrapped only in paper. You don’t need to ship the hair bows you sell in a clear plastic bag or insert several different business cards in the package and seal it with washi tape. I occasionally sell leather bows and earrings and try to use only paper bags and cardstock to package them. The plastic is unnecessary and just goes in the trash.

Use wool dryer balls instead of dryer sheets

About six years ago when my kids were born, I discovered that the dryer sheets were giving my kids a rash and making me sneeze. Not only are these disposable, they have artificial scents and chemicals that aren’t great if you have sensitive skin or allergies. I bought some inexpensive wool dryer balls from Amazon and have used them for years. Want to scent your laundry? Add a few drops of essential oil to the balls before tossing them in with the clothes.

Stop buying disposable soap dispensers

I am a recovering Bath & Body Works shopper. I have bought their foaming hand soap for years, and I love the scents and the formula. My kids tend to use a lot of soap, and I think foaming soap lasts longer because you use less. My problem is the plastic bottle it comes in. You can recycle it a few times, but you can’t recycle the pump or the metal spring that’s part of it.

I found this Puracy foaming hand soap refill on Amazon and have been really happy with it. I kept a few of my Bath & Body Works dispensers since I haven’t found a sturdier foaming soap dispenser yet, and we refill those with this soap. It’s even cheaper if you sign up for subscribe and save. I also like that the package uses as little plastic as possible.

We use bar soap in the shower, but I think it’s too hard for little hands to grab onto and also harbors germs when used for hand soap. This isn’t a perfect solution, but it definitely reduces our plastic.

Buy refillable shampoo and conditioner

I was tired of recycling shampoo and conditioner bottles and throwing out the pumps, so I started to look for another option. I’ve been using Plaine Products for about a year and love their business model. They send you aluminum bottles of shampoo and conditioner (they also offer hand soap, lotion, and facial cleansers) and sturdy pumps. Then when you finish a bottle, you mail it back to them using the same box the original bottles shipped in.

Full disclosure: I signed up to be a Plaine Products affiliate, which means if you end up buying a product, I earn a small percentage. I love this company and their goal of reducing single-use plastic, regardless of whether you end up buying from them.

Check out my favorite book about earth-friendly, minimalist options and other ideas for reducing waste! Share your best tips below.

5 board books to give new moms (and baby gear you can live without)

Posted on April 6, 2020 by Lindsay Books Life

Several friends and family members are welcoming new babies this spring and summer, and with social distancing still in place, it’s impossible to have traditional baby showers. That doesn’t mean you can’t show them you care, though! Whether you’ve bought some essentials and want a board book to tuck into the gift or were asked to bring a book instead of a card, these are a few of my favorite books to give to a new mom.

Emma: An Emotions Primer by Jennifer Adams. Contrary to what you might think, your babies are not going to learn the classics from these literary-inspired board books you read to them. However, we had several of these when my twins were babies, and this was their favorite. It has bright colors and tells Jane Austen’s Emma through the different characters’ emotions (like excitement, anger, boredom, and surprise). My kids reached for this one again and again.

If I Were an Owl by Jellycat. It looks like my favorite Jellycat book isn’t available on Amazon anymore, but there are a bunch of similar books to choose from. My kids and I loved the textures of this book on every page, especially the soft owl feathers on the cover and the scratchiness of its claws. All of the titles look adorable!

Goodnight Moon and The Runaway Bunny set by Margaret Wise Brown. I have almost the entire book of Goodnight Moon memorized because we read it so much to our kids at bedtime. This is a classic for a reason. The rhythm and rhymes are so soothing, and kids love the bright pictures (what kid’s room has bright green walls and red floors?). This board book set also includes The Runaway Bunny, which has enchanting illustrations and lets you search for the hidden bunnies in the pictures.

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr. and John Archambault. This is another one of those books my kids can recite from memory. I love the rhyming and rhythm, and I also like that it’s an easy way to introduce even babies to the alphabet. Lois Ehlert’s illustrations are bright and colorful. When my kids were too old for board books, we upgraded to a paperback and they still love it.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. I absolutely adore this book, and so do my kids. The board book version still has the holes showing what the caterpillar ate, and it’s fun for little fingers to grab these as you turn the pages. What’s even more fun is to watch the caterpillar transform from a fat green blob to a stunning butterfly at the end. Eric Carle also narrates the audiobook, which I highly recommend.

I posted the following items on my previous blog a while back in response to a coworker who wanted to know what he really needed for his new baby. I feel it’s applicable now, when so much is scarce or takes weeks to deliver. Manufacturers and influencers want you to think having a baby requires a ton of gear, but it really doesn’t. When I had my twins nearly six years ago, I tried to be conscious about what we could do without. Here’s my list:

Bumbos: I seem to be in the minority here, but I’ve always thought Bumbos were ugly and expensive. A friend brought over her old one for us to try, which was nice, but my kids didn’t really like sitting in it. Some pediatricians also say it doesn’t help your baby develop the abdominal muscles needed to sit on their own.
High chairs: I am pretty anti-high-chair, mostly because they take up a ton of space and are a pain to clean. When my babies were born, we were living in a condo with a pretty small kitchen, and the kitchen in our current home is also pretty small. High chairs are not worth the cost or space, in my opinion. The alternative is inexpensive booster seats that strap to kitchen chairs or even folding chairs. They wipe down easily (you can even spray them off outside), and your kids can sit in them for years. Mine used them until they were almost three and were tall enough to sit up to the table.
Swings: I know some people swear by swings, but I don’t like the giant amount of floor space they take up. I recommend waiting until your baby is born to decide whether you really need a swing. You may be able to find one secondhand or get one that folds or doesn’t take as much room.
Bouncers: We had a bouncer I bought secondhand for about two weeks, hoping it would help my son’s croup if he was more elevated while sleeping. I don’t think it really helped. If you want something to entertain your baby while you do something else, propping a Boppy or nursing pillow behind him does the job.
Diaper Genies: Dirty diapers are gross, and no one wants to smell them or deal with them, but I thought this gadget was way overpriced and unnecessary. We put all the dirty diapers in a small garbage can with a lid and then took the bag to the dumpster when it was full. As a new mom, it was also a chance for me to get some fresh air even just running out to the dumpster.
Walkers: We borrowed an old walker from my husband’s mom, and my kids did like playing in it. However, these also take up a lot of room, and you use them for a short time. They’re also gross to clean when your kid spits up on them (or worse).
Big baby tubs: You use baby tubs for such a small window of time before your baby can sit up on their own, and the big, bulky plastic tubs take up room. We loved our Puj flyte tub because it was easy to fold and clean and didn’t take up a ton of room. Once my kids were bigger, we bought an inexpensive inflatable duck bath you could deflate and store flat. At about 10 months old, they were fine sitting in the tub on their own.
Bassinets: Because bassinets are so small, your baby can only sleep in it for a few months. Then you’re stuck with another piece of gear you have to store. I suggest buying a pack ‘n’ play instead. You can easily fold it and take it with you when you travel, and your kids won’t outgrow it for a few years.
Toddler beds: Toddler beds aren’t worth it because you have to buy specific toddler sheets and mattresses that then don’t fit a twin bed OR a crib. We bought cribs from IKEA with one removable side instead so we could keep the crib mattresses and the crib sheets. Once they were three and too big for the cribs, we bought two twin beds and mattresses they can hopefully sleep in for years.

I’m always curious what your must-haves are for babies and what you wish you’d never bought. Please also share your favorite board books!

The personal style book you should read + why I care so much about children’s clothes

Posted on November 24, 2019 by Lindsay Books Life

It’s no secret that I love children’s clothes. In fact, one of my favorite parts of the week is getting my kids dressed up for church and then taking a picture of them on our front porch. It’s been fun to see them grow over the four years since we bought our home, and it’s also been fun for me to search for classic children’s clothes I can pass on to other families when my kids outgrow them.

While it may seem superficial to worry so much about the clothes your kids wear, I think it is SO important to teach your kids how to pick out flattering clothes and get a sense of style. Here are a few reasons I focus on this every week:

It gives your kids confidence. The way you dress sends a big message, even when you’re a kid, and you can’t start teaching them this too early. I know I’ve found a dress my daughter loves when her eyes light up and she doesn’t want to take it off right after church. I am also trying to be careful about not praising my kids’ appearance (things like “You look so pretty in that dress”) and instead saying things like “That dress is fun to twirl in!” or “That bow tie works well with your sweater.” I want my kids to feel confident and then forget about what they’re wearing and participate in whatever they want to do.

It helps your kids understand how to put outfits together. The other day, my son walked outside wearing his orange jack-o-lantern shirt and a pair of pale orange shorts because he thought the colors should go together. I will admit that I asked him to put on different pants, mainly because it was way too cold outside for shorts, but also because I wanted to teach him that the outfit didn’t really work. I think there’s a gentle way you can explain how colors coordinate and why it usually doesn’t work to wear a striped shirt with checkered shorts. Sure, it’s fun to see what kids come up with, and it doesn’t matter if they wear two shades of orange. For me, though, it’s a chance to set my kids up for success later by teaching them to put together more flattering outfits.

It teaches your kids to try new things. Several friends have asked me how I get my son to wear bow ties or my daughter to wear my jeans, because their kids only want to wear casual clothes. Honestly, I have been dressing my kids in dressier clothes since they were babies, so they don’t know anything different. I also expect them to wear nice clothes to church, and they know that. I do try to make dressing up more fun and personal by picking patterned button-ups and colorful bow ties for my son to pick from and twirly dresses, colorful tights, and velvet hair bows for my daughter. If you want your kids to dress a certain way or try something other than leggings, start early. And if you can’t start early, show them by example. Buy yourself a flattering new dress, or get your husband a new tie and show them that trying new clothes can be fun.

Now for the book you should read: The Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees. I read this several years ago, but I think about it often when I’m deciding whether to buy new clothes. It’s all about getting rid of clothes that don’t work for you and creating a wardrobe with just a few pieces that go together. I’m actually thinking I should check this out again for a refresher, because it has some great tips about determining your personal style.

I used to go through phases where I hated everything in my closet and wanted to get rid of everything. Honestly, I still have moments like that, but they’re much less frequent because I’ve figured out the types of clothes that work for me thanks to suggestions from this book. I also have completely stopped buying cheap shoes, because I’m tired of them falling apart so quickly or hurting my feet (another sign that I am getting old).

AND the best part of this book is that it teaches you to be realistic about your lifestyle and then buy clothes that fit that. I don’t own any heels because I’m only wearing dressy shoes to church or occasionally to fancier events (and I’m tall AND they hurt my feet). I also have been investing more in comfy, well-made tees because I work from home most of the time and don’t have to dress up for the office. When you really think about the clothes you need and why you’re buying them, it helps you cut back and buy only clothes you’ll really wear and love.

Do you have any favorite books about personal style? I want to hear! I’m especially interested in books about children’s clothing styles. It seems so fun to read about.

The book that changed my life (and five ways to generate less waste)

Posted on November 9, 2019 by Lindsay Books Life

About a week ago, I learned that our city and several surrounding areas would no longer be accepting anything but plastic bottles, corrugated cardboard, and metal food cans for recycling. Over the past few years, I’ve been very dedicated to recycling whatever I can and reducing our waste in other ways, so this was a huge blow.

You may have heard people say recycling is dead. This is because it’s incredibly expensive to recycle here, so the U.S. was shipping recycling to China — and China has now decided not to accept most of it, since it is often contaminated with food and other items that can’t be recycled. While I still think it’s valuable to recycle IF you are recycling the right things and not causing more problems, it’s becoming harder and harder to do that.

What you CAN do is reduce your waste entirely. Almost three years ago, I read a book that literally changed my life: Zero Waste Home: The Ultimate Guide to Simplifying Your Life by Reducing Your Waste by Bea Johnson. This woman and her family have found ways to reduce their household waste to just a liter-sized bottle each year.

Before you roll your eyes and say that this is impossible, know that I was the same way. I remember finishing this book right before Christmas in 2016 and thinking about how everything comes in plastic and that there was no way I could make my own food from scratch constantly or bring a glass jar to the store to get ice cream to avoid a cardboard carton (which is one thing Johnson does).

Bea Johnson does have a big advantage: She lives in California within biking distance of farmers’ markets and small grocery stores that offer organic produce, and she’s also a stay-at-home parent who has time to make lots of foods and products (including makeup) on her own to avoid packaging. It’s completely unrealistic to make everything or assume that the homemade version is better than the manufactured product. I would be terrified to make my own makeup and hope it didn’t give me some crazy rash, and I despise cooking and do not want to make my own yogurt in an effort to reduce plastic waste.

So. Do I think everything in this book makes sense? Absolutely not. However, it made me completely rethink my buying and recycling habits and be more conscious of the waste my family creates. It also made me realize there are simple changes I can make to have a better impact on the environment and live a more minimalist life (which is what I was striving for anyway).

If you’re like me and want to make small, sustainable changes, keep reading. I’ve shared how I try to live minimally on social media before, but here are five different ways I’ve begun reducing my family’s waste:

Buy secondhand. Sadly, I used to be a lot better at this when my kids were babies, but it seems fewer people donate older kids’ clothes to the yard sales and consignment stores I frequent. I had a hard time finding jeans for two 5-year-olds this year and ended up buying most of them brand-new. However, I do sell most of my kids’ clothes at consignment sales every year to help other parents save money (and avoid buying brand-new where possible). I also try to buy toys from Facebook Marketplace or consignment sales, and I try to buy used books whenever possible.

Stop washing your hair so often. If you’d told my 16-year-old self I would only be washing my hair 2-3 times a week, I would have laughed in your face. But it’s actually healthier to wash your hair less, and you use much less shampoo and conditioner when you wash it only a few times a week. Also, since it takes forever for me to wash and condition my dry, curly hair, I spend only a fraction of the time I used to in the shower when I’m just scrubbing my body.

Invest in nicer-quality items. A few years ago when flash deal sites were all the rage, I found myself getting so excited about scoring a great deal on a shirt or a pair of sandals or a necklace. Then, of course, I’d get those shoes I paid $15 for and they would fall apart within a few months or start to look really scuffed or dirty within a few weeks of wearing them. I’d buy cheap jewelry and end up having to throw it away because the metal hurt my ears or started wearing away to reveal a green undertone. Even if you give this stuff to someone else or donate it to a shelter, pretty soon it ends up in the landfill because it’s not built to last. Over the past year, I’ve paid more attention to what items are made of, especially my shoes and clothes. I’m willing to spend a bit more for pieces that will last for years rather than filling my closet with trendy ones that instantly fall apart.

Avoid disposables wherever you can. One thing you’ll notice when you try to reduce your waste is how much we rely on single-use items everywhere. You go to a work event and the catering company has brought disposable silverware packaged, of course, in plastic you have to throw away. You go to a kid’s birthday party and eat everything on disposable plates. Even the breakfast at my kids’ school is handed out in disposable bags, and everything is in plastic. I get it. It’s much easier to throw things away than to clean a bunch of dishes (especially at a school). But you can control what you and your family waste. Start bringing reusable sporks with you and carrying a water bottle so you don’t have to buy plastic bottles or use disposable cups. Buy something you can eat with your hands, if possible, to avoid disposable silverware. Figure out ways to bring your own food or containers along. I even have a friend who carries a washable handkerchief to wipe his mouth with when eating so he doesn’t have to throw away a napkin. Even if you start small, you’ll notice you generate much less waste this way.

Borrow or do without items when possible. If you love to read and end up with shelves full of books you’ll never pick up again, start planning ahead so you can borrow new releases instead. Goodreads will often tell you when an author you’ve loved is releasing a new book, so you can search for the book on your library’s website and request it way in advance. You can also check Amazon for release dates or browse for new books coming out soon that sound interesting and reserve them at your library. Even better, use the Libby app to read ebooks or listen to audiobooks. They come right to your phone, so you don’t have to waste time and gas driving to the library — and the library also buys fewer hardcover copies if there’s less demand for them. Avoid buying an entirely new Halloween costume each year and figure out items you already have that can be repurposed. A black dress works for a witch costume. A brown leather jacket can work for an Amelia Earheart outfit. Get creative rather than buying something new each time.

I’ll occasionally share more ideas here as my family continues our quest to generate less waste, but this book really did change my life and continues to impact the way I think about my possessions every day. I’d love to hear about a book that changed your life, too!

7 ways to protect your children from abuse

Posted on October 9, 2019 by Lindsay Life

I’m well aware that this is a blog about reading and writing, NOT a parenting forum. However, I’ve had a feeling for a few months now that I should share something very personal, and I’m hoping it may help someone else in a similar situation.

My oldest brother, just two years younger than me, was sexually abused as a child by a family friend. This is not my story to tell, so I won’t share more about that, but he has shared his own story publicly this year and has been open about the many ways it has affected him.

Twenty-plus years ago when this happened, we didn’t talk about abuse the way we do now. We didn’t have tons of online resources and opinions from psychologists and physicians about ways to prevent it and warning signs to look for. We didn’t have training sessions at church about keeping kids safe.

Abuse is absolutely devastating to everyone involved, and I unfortunately know far too many people who’ve also been abused or have family members suffering from its effects. I worry about my own children, and I worry about the children they go to school and church with.

If you’re like me, though, preparing your kids for lots of situations can ease your mind. Here are some suggestions for preventing child abuse.

Use the real names for body parts and discuss them without embarrassment

There was a time in my life when someone said the word “penis” and it made me blush — and I’m willing to hazard a guess that some of you still feel that way. It’s time to get over the fear of using the proper anatomical terms, especially with your kids. My husband and I have used the real names for our boy/girl twins’ genitals since they were potty training. As a result, they are comfortable telling us if certain body parts are itchy or sore. One day, my then-4-year-old son told me I was squishing his penis when I buckled him into his car seat, and I immediately adjusted it!

Is it weird to hear little kids using the proper names for private body parts? Maybe at first it will be, but it helps your kids be comfortable with their bodies and comfortable explaining EXACTLY what they’re feeling. It also normalizes discussions about how the body works.

Don’t force your kids to hug or touch other people

I am a HUGE believer that you are in control of your body and that it will tell you when something is wrong. Kids can sense tension and may feel uncomfortable around certain people for a reason, or they may just be feeling shy at the moment. No matter what’s going on, make sure your kids know they don’t have to give a relative a hug or kiss goodbye. Teach them to be in tune with their feelings, and don’t force them to offer physical touch — even if YOU want a hug from them or someone else expects it.

I do always makes sure my kids say hello or goodbye when someone is leaving, but I let them decide whether they want to offer a hug. If they don’t want to, I don’t force it or say anything more.

Trust your own intuition

Just like with your kids, pay attention to your gut reactions. If you have a bad feeling about someone or something just feels strange when they’re around, get out of the situation. Don’t let them take care of your kids or touch them or even talk to them if you don’t feel comfortable. Mom intuition is a real thing (and I’m not a dad, but I’m sure that’s a thing, too).

If this person is a teacher or you’re in another situation where you can’t just pick up your kids and run out, stick around to see what happens. If you still have a bad feeling after staying with your kids for a while, trust yourself and figure out a new teacher or place for your family.

Make sure your kids know they can tell you anything

I have two 5-year-olds, so obviously I have not yet encountered the junior high/high school phase where kids become sullen and refuse to talk to their parents. I’m not sure what I’ll do at that point. However, I have tried to be better at spending one-on-one time with my kids and making sure they know I notice the things that make THEM unique. I’m also working on more open-ended questions to get them to talk. Instead of saying “How was school?” I’ll ask “What was your favorite part of school today?” My cousin asks her kids to share “roses” and “thorns” every night before bed, and I like this idea for opening up dialogue, too.

I think the biggest way to make sure your kids are comfortable talking to you is hiding your embarrassment or annoyance or judgment and just listening. Sometimes kids (and adults) don’t want advice. They just want to talk about something and know you won’t get upset with them or try to solve their problem. I lose patience easily (especially at bedtime), so I’m working on this one.

Watch what your kids are doing with their phones and tablets

I know this is a controversial topic because parents want to be connected to their kids and make sure they can contact them in an emergency. I do have a really strict stance on electronics in my home, though. My kids never get to play with my phone, and they never watch anything online without my husband or me showing it to them.

Do I want to give my kids independence online? Absolutely! However, my kids are too young to know how to safely use a phone or tablet and not come across disturbing images or accidentally pull up the wrong site. This is a separate discussion and one you can find tons of better resources on, but I absolutely believe that pornography is connected to child abuse. Even little kids who see explicit images can become confused about their bodies, and adults can use these images to manipulate and abuse children.

Your kids WILL see things you don’t want them to see. I know this will happen to my own kids within a few years. But I can talk to them about online safety, keep an eye on what they’re doing, and protect them as best I can.

Teach your kids positive body image and respect for others’ bodies

I grew up in a culture that focused WAY too much on dress and appearance, especially for women. Leaders of my church wrongly taught girls that they needed to cover up because “the boys can’t control themselves” or “they’ll get the wrong idea about you.” This kind of thinking perpetuates abuse, and it needs to stop. Men and women are both in control of their bodies and their thoughts. It is NEVER OK to justify abuse based on the way someone was dressed or the way they looked.

I believe the way you dress sends a loud message. However, I’m focusing on teaching my kids to dress in a way that flatters their bodies, makes them feel confident, and lets them be comfortable running and playing. I also want to teach them that all shapes, sizes, and colors are beautiful.

Have difficult conversations with your kids early

Andrew and I decided way before our kids were born that we would talk to them early about sex. Right before they started kindergarten, I checked out It’s Not the Stork! A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends from the library and read it with my kids. It was a fantastic introduction to the differences between boys and girls, human anatomy, and an age-appropriate explanation of where babies come from.

While my kids are really young, I still think it’s important to answer questions honestly as they come up and talk to them about how their bodies work and what will happen as they get older. I used to dread the “sex talk,” and honestly, I don’t anymore. Because I already use correct anatomical terms with my kids and they feel comfortable using them, I don’t feel embarrassed or awkward about explaining this to them. It feels like a natural extension of what we’ve always talked about.

This is a hard topic, but it’s one I think we need to talk about more often. Share your thoughts and ideas about protecting kids in the comments!

Life

Lindsay

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